One in Heart and Mind

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“Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (Doctrine and Covenants 38:27)¹.

What does it mean to be one and why is it so important in our marriage? A central theme of the gospel of Jesus Christ is becoming one; unity. The scriptures teach that equality and oneness should be evident among members of the Church. This also applies within our marriages and families as well. A marriage in which the partners are not united can only lead to discord, contention and unhappiness. Yet, issues regarding power are still causing many family problems.

“Marriage, in its truest form, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (Hinckley, 1992, p. 6)².

What does a unified marriage look like? 

·       Husbands and wives are equal- The Lord designed women to be a ‘helpmeet’ for man. The ‘meet’ in helpmeet meaning equal. Neither man nor woman is superior to the other, though each have been carefully designed to compliment one another.

·       The marital relationship should be a partnership- This includes joint decision making, and each partner doing a fair share of family work. Every major decision should be agreed upon by both husband and wife.

·       Spouses have different responsibilities, but they function as equals- Each partner has a specific role designed to be filled by one or the other. However, this difference doe not equal deficit. Each role is equally important to the family unit.

·       A husband’s role as patriarch gives him the responsibility to serve his wife and family- A perfect example of this leader-servant model was Jesus Christ. Christ went about with an attitude of serving others; not himself.

(Miller, 2008, pp. 1 – 4)³


 

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“Marriage is an equal partnership between husband and wife. Each has a specific role. The father who holds the priesthood fills most successfully the role of director and protector of the group. Hopefully his position is never one of autocratic direction, but only of cooperative consideration carried out in perfect love and unselfishness” (Kimball, 1990, p. 114)⁴.  


The sacramental prayer can remind us every week of how the gift of unity will come through obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Central to understanding and receiving unity is the constant companionship of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Ghost can fill us “with hope and perfect love” and “teach [us] the peaceable things of the kingdom” (The Book of Mormon, Moroni 8:26 & Doctrine and Covenants 36:2)⁵. Elder Henry B. Eyring gives us two warnings that come with the companionship of the Holy Spirit (1998, p. 66)⁶. First, the Holy Ghost remains with us only when we stay clean and free from the love of the things of the world. The choice to be unclean actively repels the Holy Ghost and the guidance it brings.

“There are some commandments which, when broken, destroy unity. Some have to do with what we say and some with how we react to what others say. We must speak no ill of anyone. We must see the good in each other and speak well of each other whenever we can” (McKay, 1967, p. 4 - 11)⁷.


Second, we must beware of pride. Pride is the opposite of unity and offends the Spirit. Joining those around us in greater service can remedy the harsh effects of pride. 

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Resources

1. The Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants 38:27. p. 65. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/38?lang=eng 
2. Hinckley, G. B., (1992) Ensign, p. 6
3. Miller, R. B., PhD. (2008) Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families. pp. 1 – 4. An address given at the BYU Conference on Family Life.
4. Kimball, C. E. & Kimball, E. L. (1990) The Writings of Camilla Eyring Kimball, p. 114. Deseret Book Co; First Edition.
5. The Book of Mormon, Moroni 8:26 & Doctrine and Covenants 36:2. pp. 527 & 62. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/holy-ghost?lang=eng 
6. Eyring, H. B. (1998) That We May Be One. Ensign. p. 66. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1998/05/that-we-may-be-one?lang=eng
7. McKay, D. O., (1967) Conference Report, p. 4 - 11.